Iranians desperately need a regime change immediately!

It is my pleasure to introduce my dear Iranian friend, Mehnoush. Mehnoush escaped from Iran and ended up in Sweden as a refugee awaiting a decision from the immigration board to determine if she will remain there or be deported.

After arriving in Sweden, Mehnoush eagerly converted to Christianity discovering the true God of love and eternal life revealed in Jesus Christ. This is her first blog on my website and I'm very excited to share it with you. Mehnoush is a regular contributor, writing excellent articles about human rights for Iranians.

The fall of the Islamic regime is certain. The way you have already picked will soon drown you in a swamp of collapse. The entire world has turned against you. The international pressure has grown wider; the economic status has become worse, the number of the unemployed has proved to be more and more and more people have been abandoning you; you are about to undergo a fate similar to that of Gaddafi and the like sooner or later. After 38 years, you have not only failed to provide people with enough support and welfare, but you have helped poverty, social class gaps and embezzlement grows. Now, you do not seem to be able to silence people anymore with the power of your poniards and bullets, censorship and prisons; if such suppressions worked, many other previous dictatorships had been survived in history!

 Do not treat the Iranian and other nations as stupid people with your false and misleading statistics. You are not allowed to ruin this country anymore. Do not rely on Hezbollah warriors and your Russian and Chinese supporters. This is Iran, not Syria. This is the land of Kaveh the Blacksmith, Achaemenid Cyrus and Darius the Great and the land of a thousand-year history of full-blooded people. You have turned the forests into deserts, the rivers into sheer dry lands and the seas into complete brackish grounds.

Our factories have gone bankrupt and the economy is utterly paralyzed. The rate of suicide has increased and the lack of joy and happiness along with imposing severe restrictions and prohibitions, physical violence against some certain groups of the society, especially women, spiritual, mental and economical harassment, unemployment, poverty, lack of hope to the future, anxiety and stress have all brought about mentionable violence and anger throughout the society. Did you just see how Trump made the nuclear deal - the one you boasted to have achieved proudly- as worthless as possible?! Now is the age of computers and the Internet and the whole world is observing your evil deeds! 

You simply eradicated a precious forty years of opportunity and stole the state budget, replaced the right with the wrong, obliged women to accept obligatory hijab, ruined the nation's culture, forced many people to leave and live in stranger lands, shattered a multitude of families, devalued the importance of Iranian passport and currency, executed hundreds of young people in groups, raped virgin girls in prisons, sent the country's young people for nothing to shout about as an acceptable excuse to fight ISIL. But enough is enough! We’re fed up to the teeth!

 We will not be silent any more until we make sure this evil regime will collapse for certain! And of course we are aware enough not to let any other Islamic government hold the power including People’s Mujahedin of Iran, a treacherous party which agreed to sell the whole and country and its people cheap to murderous Khomeini. Although they still feel ready to reappear and take power, they should bear in mind that today there is no place for any other Islamist traitors any longer.

Re-examining our motives for being a voice for the voiceless!

My dear Iranian friend Paymaneh, who is refugee currently residing in Malaysia,  is a writing contributor to my radio program, "The Cross in the Desert: Speaking hope and freedom to Iran." She is currently waiting for a very important interview with the UNHCR to determine her future in a country where she can worship and live in freedom. Paymaneh has written numerous articles that deal with the issue of human rights in Iran. This is her latest installment that challenges those of us who are Christian human rights activist, to re-think the motives for why we are the voice of the voiceless!

Dear Internet world!

Now that the world is sinking deep in much ado, war here and protest there, campaign here and sanction there, terrorist attacks here and negotiations there, many of us are focusing on this issue and that issue. Some of us support this wing and some are advocate of that political group, some criticize this leader and some have been enemies of that group. Some think that a regime must be overthrown and some believe that such and such’s money must be blocked. Some, like the regime in Iran, curse this and that country and in the optimistic way, some pray for a groups success.

The fact is that the current situation has distracted many of us from God. We claim that we are standing for God, we are serving God, we have consecrated ourselves to God, but how true our claim is? Is our supporting a person or a group according to God’s desire? Or for our own selves or our friend’s satisfaction? Are the protests in Iran for God’s will and people’s salvation or just for the nation’s freedom and better life?

You might say’ “humanity matters, human rights matters, liberty and having a good life matters.” Yes, you are right. They all matter but do they bring salvation to those people whose success and liberty we love to see? Do they bring eternal life to them?

We have our options for the regime change in Iran, but will the next person on the power open the doors for the gospel or will them still remain closed tight by another Islamic government? How much will God be pleased by our involvement in their regime change? How much can we prepare the way for the Lord’s second coming? People in Iran will be free again, whether they are supported by the world or not as it is God’s promise in Jeremiah and God never changes His words and promises. But do we have a positive role in fulfilling this promise?

How about our supporting Syrians inside the country and Syrian refugees? Do we pray and try our best for them to be exposed to the gospel and get to know the truth? Or is it for letting them make more mosques in our non-Islamic countries to Islamicize the country?

Are our prayers for women in Saudi Arabia for just their freedom from the tyranny of their Muslim men and religion-based law or are the prayers for their knowing the real source of freedom?

 How about our fame? Are we making new video series or telegram voice files to support Inqelab Avenue girls or are they an opportunity for ourselves to be known by the world?

Many of us easily put God’s name on our activities and claim that we are walking with God in our political stands, But we need to remember that Jesus was killed in the name of God by those who believed in God and claimed that they had faith in God. They crucified Jesus to serve God, they thought. When Jesus prayed for the murderers and mockers, He said, “Father! Forgive then. They don’t know what they are doing.” Are we sure that we know what we are doing? Are we sure that we are not offending God with our activities and are not hindering His work?

Many of political leaders are enjoying their freedom and safety abroad and encouraging people imprisoned inside their countries to fight, to break things, to destroy certain buildings, to burn banks, even to self-immolate (believe me) and promise that they would be their voice from outside the country. Would they do the same if they were inside the country? Would they give their loved ones the advice? Consciously or unconsciously we might help their voice be heard. They might get happy and be thankful, but will God be pleased too?

Our roles in the issue in the world, especially Middle East might be very important, we might be a TV star with thousands of fans who can burn every corner of the corner saying yes to our advice or might be a Hollywood star getting thousands of likes under our posts supporting Hillary in the US, or a free journalist whom majority of women support in Facebook because or supporting women. But how much will God say yes to us, hits a like button under our actions and intentions and support us? I don’t intend to advise or criticize anybody as I am not the right person for that. It was just what God instilled into me during long hours of prayers and I felt I need to share them with you. I felt Maybe it’s time to think and re-think a little bit differently (not to be left behind by….).

Donya Jam: Being a voice for the voiceless

Donya Jam is an Iranian-American human rights activist and also a dear friend of mine. She dedicates all of her passion and energy to writing and protesting against the current regime in Iran. I have had the pleasure of interviewing Donya on my radio program. Recently she attended the annual "Free Iran Rally" in Paris. The story you are about to read appears in my book, "The Cross in the Desert: Speaking hope and freedom to Iran."


 “Speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.” (Proverbs 31:8)

 Donya is one of my newest Iranian friends. She is an Iranian American who uses her freedom in a very unique way. Persian names have very special meanings that relate to one’s lifestyle. The name, “Donya” in Persian literally means, “world.” The meaning of Donya’s name fits perfectly with who Donya is. Donya is a powerful voice of hope for the world and most importantly for her people, her friends, her family, that still live under the oppression and fear of the Iranian Regime. Donya and her family have not forgotten their people. Just recently at a demonstration in front of the White House, Donya joined a group of protesters from “Iran resistance” to denounce and speak out against the increase of executions since Rouhani became President of Iran. One of her favorite Scriptures is Proverbs 31:8, which commands us to, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.” Donya is a voice of hope for Iranians, who because of imprisonment, torture and death, have to remain silent for fear of their lives.
I recently asked Donya to share her story so that her voice would be heard all over the world through my books. This is Donya’s story in her own words:

 Since the barbaric regime of Iran came into power in 1979, there have been nonstop executions and torture against the Iranian people. Shortly after the Revolution, its war against Christians began. A Christian Pastor by the name of Arasto Sayaah was killed by the Iranian Regime. Bahram William Dehqani-Tafti was another Christian shot to death by the Iranian Regime. Anyone who simply spoke their mind and did not agree with the regime was quickly arrested, thrown into jail, and put in danger of execution. Over 120,000 supporters of the Iranian Resistance, who supported 73 freedom and democracy for Iran, have been executed by the regime. My family had to flee from Iran because of their brutality. It was a very difficult decision. Either you start a new life as a refugee and face the difficulty it brings or live under barbaric cruelty. Life as a refugee has been very tough because you still feel the regime is trying to silence you. Since my family came out of Iran, Iran and the Iranian people are still in our hearts. My family and I continually think about the plight of the people of Iran. We began working with our Muslim friends side by side in the Senate, Congress and churches, speaking out and educating people about what is really happening inside of Iran. It is our responsibility as a Iranians to be a voice of hope for our people.
 My mother is an Iranian-Christian pastor. My family is serving the Lord. I have been raised in the church and I remember asking my mom one day if I could be baptized. That was truly an amazing day! Now as a Christian and an Iranian, I do my very best to give Iranians a voice. The Bible says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves,” (Proverbs 31:8)

 In September of this year, 2014, my family and I joined other protesters in confronting President Rouhani during his trip to the United Nations. Just recently, we attended a demonstration in front of the White House to protest against executions in Iran. The Iranian Regime is a very dangerous terrorist entity in the Middle East, even aiding the blood-thirsty dictator, Bashar al-Assad in Syria. I believe that this regime cannot be reformed. They are playing political games with the world. It is very plain to see that since Rouhani became President of Iran, the executions have increased, averaging one execution every seven hours. There is only one solution for Iran and that is a democratic regime change by the Iranian people and its resistance movement led by Mrs. Maryam Rajavi. I pray and hope that very soon Iran will be freed from this evil regime and that one day a democratic government will be established

"The sun is gonna shine again: The rose is gonna live again."

The passion of my life is being a voice for my dear Iranian friends. Four years ago, I published a novel depicting the dangerous life of an Iranian freedom fighter named Bahareh. The name of the novel was "The rose of Nowruz: dreams of hope and freedom."
Bahareh was a concert violinist who became a powerful freedom fighter after witnessing a horrible scene on the streets of Tehran from her bedroom window.
The novel opens with that scene while Bahareh is practicing her violin.

"Bahareh continued to play her violin with passion and precision. The beautiful notes soared through the air of her tiny, quiet bedroom and out through the open window into Englehab street. In her mind’s eye, Bahareh could see the faces of her friends. They were laughing, smiling, rejoicing and having fun. Women were free to walk the streets without wearing their hijabs. There was an incredible celebration in the streets of Iran. There was no more violence or protests or arrests! The streets were filled with Iranians celebrating life once again.

“Take your hands off of me! Leave me alone. Help!”

The sounds of desperate screams coming from the streets rudely interrupted the joyous sounds of Bahareh’s violin. She immediately stopped playing and set her violin down on the bed and ran toward the window. She lifted up the blinds and gazed down below on Englehab Street. A security officer dressed in a blue uniform was struggling with a young girl. The young girl was fighting for her life and trying to resist being arrested. Finally, another officer joined in the struggle and they both began dragging her toward a green and white van parked along the curb. It was the Gasht Ershad, once again out on the streets of Tehran. The Gasht Ershad was the “morality police” of Iran that daily patrolled the streets enforcing the Islamic dress code. A group of six Iranian police officers drove a green and white van daily to inspect men and women, making sure they were wearing proper clothing in compliance with the dress code. Most women, when they spotted the van on the street, would immediately take off running to avoid the frightening confrontation. Women were instructed to wear a hijab whenever going out publicly. They had to make sure that the hijab was properly put on so it would fully cover their hair. In some cases women would a chador that fully covered their whole body and arms. In the summer heat, this was very uncomfortable; so many women refused to wear it and instead would do their best to avoid the Gasht Ershad. Women had to make sure that their skin was fully covered by their clothing or else they would risk a nasty confrontation with the “morality police!” Displaying too much skin because of inadequate clothing could result in a fine or even an arrest. Women were forbidden to wear nail polish or too much make up publicly as this was not appropriate under strict Islamic law.
The law stated that a woman could not reveal her hair or ankles or wear loose-fitting trousers that would expose skin. Violators of the Islamic dress code resulted in both minor and serious consequences. A woman could receive a verbal warning by a female interrogator in the streets and be forced to sign a written agreement to dress more appropriately and explicitly follow the dress code. The more severe consequences resulted in women being lashed, imprisoned for up to three months and forced to attend special classes on respecting the rules. Bahareh watched in horror as the two security officers physically dragged the screaming and distraught young girl and finally forced her into the green and white parked van. Two young men who had been watching the violent scene, began pushing the officers demanding them to let her go. “Leave her alone you medieval bastards!!” one of the young men shouted in protest. One of the officers pulled out a large baton from his belt and began savagely beating the young man. Another officer joined in and soon the young man was sprawled out on the sidewalk with blood streaming down his face, no longer resisting. Bahareh could no longer watch the horror from her window. She covered her face with her hands and sat down on the bed next to her violin. The once beautiful song of hope that she had been playing had been silenced by the violent tactics of the Gasht Ershad. The rose had been silenced and crushed just like the lyrics to the chorus of her song. A Free Iran seemed so far away. Despair and depression like a dark cloud filled Bahareh’s mind. She sat on the edge of her bed and wept and began to doubt. Bahareh lifted her face out of her hands. The screaming and yelling had finally stopped. The crowd below her window had dispersed. The Gasht Ershad had arrested another woman and severely beat a young Iranian protestor. They were moving on now to another section of Tehran looking for more violators.

 Bahareh wiped the tears from her eyes and stared down at her violin. She reached over and touched the strings with the tips of her fingers, whispering in a tearful voice,  “The sun is gonna shine again. The rose is gonna live again.”

"A prison of fear: Mehrnoosh's story."

     “A Prison of Fear.”                                      Mehrnoosh’s story      





“I was suffocating! I couldn’t breathe! My house was like a prison to me!”
 Unlike most marriages, Mehrnoosh’s marriage was as she describes, a prison of fear.
 Growing up in Iran, at the age of 20, Mehrnoosh met Abbas. He seemed like the perfect man, handsome, wealthy, educated, and yet as the old cliché goes, “looks can be deceiving!”
 Abbas went to work every day, like the normal husband but would call Mehrnoosh repeatedly from work to check up on her. Soon, he turned into a monster, becoming jealous, possessive and controlling. Mehrnoosh became a prisoner in her own home, having to obtain permission to leave.  Things quickly became worse! Abbas began to physically abuse her. Desperate to escape, Mehrnoosh called the police, crying out for help. But instead of responding to her cries, they ignored them and Mehrnoosh continued to be a helpless victim!  In Iran, women are treated like second-class citizens. They must wear a hijab (veil) publicly and adhere to a strict dress code, which includes not showing too much skin or too much make-up. The morality police patrol the streets of Iran daily and if a woman is not properly wearing her hijab and is in violation of the dress code, she can be fined, arrested and publicly lashed.  After several reports to the police, Mehrnoosh was finally allowed to see a Judge and report the physical abuse. However, instead of getting justice, she instead got a lecture from the judge.
 “Why are you here?”  The judge demanded, “ You should not be complaining to the court about your husband!”
 Mehrnoosh was devastated. She felt helpless.
 “Women are not treated like human beings in Iran,”  Mehrnoosh remembers thinking, “ We are treated like animals, like possessions!”
 The judge continued to lecture Mehrnoosh.
 “Your husband is your owner, ” he declared, ignoring the obvious marks of physical abuse on her face.
    Even though Mehrnoosh felt helpless and despaired; she understood why she was being treated in such a manner. This was consistent with the teachings of the Quran and the Islamic culture she was living in.

“I hated Islam!”

Mehrnoosh hated Islam because of the way Muslim men treated their wives. She remembered reading Surah 4 in the Quran:

“As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill conduct, Admonish them (first) (Next) refuse to share their beds (And last) beat them.”                                       (Surah 4:34)


“What kind of God would instruct a husband to beat his wife?” Mehrnoosh asked herself with anger and frustration.

The abuse continued. Mehrnoosh struggled to survive. “Every day of every moment,” Mehrnoosh cried out, I was sad and crying. I prayed all of the time but felt trapped with no p ossible way out!”
 For Mehrnoosh, life had become a living hell, filled with darkness and despair. A year later, she gave birth to her first son and named him Mehrsam ( nicknamed Sami). However, her life didn’t change. There was still turmoil and abuse. Desperate for her life and the safety of her son, Sami, Mehrnoosh met some people. They promised to help her. What can only be described as a miraculous answer to her prayers, she paid them a large sum of money and they smuggled both her and her son out of Iran to Sweden where the rest of her family was living. Sweden was a haven for Iranian refugees and Mehrnoosh believed she would finally be safe and rid of her abusive husband once and for all! However, to her astonishment, Abbas followed her to Sweden, where he confronted her and once again, the physical abuse began!
  This time, however, The Swedish Police immediately responded and Abbas was arrested, tried and imprisoned for two months before finally being deported back to Iran!

Mehrnoosh felt now that she was finally safe, but because of the many years of trauma and abuse, she felt like she was still in prison. Even though she had left the oppression of living in Iran, Mehrnoosh still felt trapped. Life in Sweden still felt like the prison of Iran.

“I was afraid to walk down the street. I was afraid that Abbas would suddenly jump out at me. I was living in a prison of fear, even in Sweden!”

Then one day, Mehrnoosh’s life took a drastic change for the better! She walked into a church and heard Christians singing and praising God. Mehrnoosh was astonished! She had never experienced or heard of Christians singing to their God. She had been taught in Islam that music was “haram” or forbidden and yet when she heard the music, she immediately felt a deep sense of peace and belonging. When the Pastor began to teach, she was impressed by what he said. The Pastor quoted the teachings of Jesus from the Bible about loving and forgiving your enemies. Mehrnoosh was drawn to the words of Christ, especially the command to, “love your enemies.” “What a contrast! What a difference !”  Mehrnoosh thought to herself, “ Christianity teaches to forgive and it’s so much different than what Islam teaches.”
 Mehrnoosh recalls that she never directly asked Jesus for help. But very soon, “He sent me my angel!”
 The fear of men had tormented Mehrnoosh and she could not talk to any male attorneys. A woman named Alina, was finally appointed to her case. She was like an angel, a true friend and she went out of her way to review her case, secure her documents from Iran and begin the process of residency for her. Mehrnoosh was still a refugee and she understood that the road to residency was a difficult one! Very soon, the Bible became a precious book for Mehrnoosh. She fell in love with Jesus. She was impressed by the compassion and love that he showed women.

“I was once dead and now I’m alive!”

  On April 27, 2014, Mehrnoosh became a member of the local church and was baptized. Everyone noticed the immediate change in her. She had a joy and peace that she never had before. Unlike most Iranians who declare they are Christians and are baptized just to escape Iran and gain residency, Mehrnoosh never needed to do that. Her case was progressing thanks to Alina, her dear Angel lawyer. Mehrnoosh described to me her inward feelings, she said, “I was once dead and now I’m alive!”
 Her favorite Bible verse is Psalm 46: verse 1:

“God is our refuge. God is our strength. A very present help in trouble.”

I have had the privilege of knowing Mehrnoosh for about six months. She is very hopeful that one day soon  she will be granted residency in Sweden. Every day, I share with her a Bible verse on Viber. She now has a bright and jubilant smile instead of a frown of despair. Jesus has indeed brought her out of death and given her a new life. She no longer is in a prison of fear!

*A few months after this story was published, God answered my prayers for Mehrnoosh. She became an official citizen of Sweden!

Today Mehrnoosh is now happily married to Rickard and lives with her son Sami in Sunvall.

Payamenh's painful childhood in Iran

 Paymaneh's painful childhood

Peymaneh was just a young eight year-old child discovering the world when suddenly her life was violently interrupted by the Iranian Revolution in 1979. I asked Peymaneh to describe for me her early childhood in Iran. The following story is in her own words……



My childhood was full of pain, sorrows and sufferings. I did not experience a real childhood at all. I learned to know war and strife while the other children around the world were playing with their balls and dolls. I learned to say, “ Down with Iran! Down with this nation , while other children around the world were sharing love.” In my childhood, my favorite young men who used to offer me bike rides, who played soccer near our house, suddenly one day disappeared. Their memories became photos, photos of martyrs, photos of gravestones, the gravestones of political prisoners. The melody of my childhood was the music of war, the sound of bullets killing the political prisoners in prison near our house at dawn. My childhood was full of war, bombs, bloodshed and nightmares. During this time, one of the most frightening words that haunted me wherever I went was the word, “rape.” How I wish I could enclose this word in a steel box and drop it in the deepest part of the ocean. I wish I could bury this word in the middle of the earth so that no other child, no other woman, would ever have to experience it! According to the rules of Islam, if a virgin should die, she would immediately go to paradise. Many women opposed the rule of Khomeini and therefore became political prisoners. They were considered “ enemies of God!” not deserving of paradise but rather Hell!  In order to ensure their fate in hell, the women were raped in prison and then immediately executed!  Now they could not go to paradise, because they were no longer virgins! This was the evil punishment inflicted on them under the rule of Khomeini.
 45 The word “ raping” is still in my dreams and in my nightmares. It seems to follow me wherever I go! My other nightmares as I grew up was running in fear from the Revolutionary Guard, who wanted to arrest me because my hijab did not cover all of my hair and I was showing too much skin and did not dress according to the Islamic dress code. My childhood meant, don’t listen to music. It meant help your father bury his favorite books, cassette tapes and photos of his dear friends, hiding it from the Revolutionary Guard.  My childhood meant, hide your Bible where no one can find it. It also meant to expect the Revolutionary Guard to break into your house for any reason! My childhood was full of fears, full of worries, full of sorrows and full of sadness. In my early childhood, I learned that, “ happiness is banned, joy is forbidden and satisfaction is boycotted…..”

"Dark secrets behind the veil."

You are about to take a very intense, a very personal journey into the deep dark secrets that lie behind the veils in Iran. This is the true story of Baran, a young married Iranian woman that I spent over two hours on Skype listening to her very painful story. 
Baran is different from most Iranian women. She is a Lesbian. For over thirty years in Iran, she had to conceal her true identity or face a certain death. Today she lives in Turkey with her son, hiding from her husband and struggling to stay alive. This is her story......



    When I was a small child of five, growing up in Iran, I knew even then that I was different from all of the other boys and girls. I found that I liked playing more with girls, rather than boys. If a boy would try to touch me or kiss me, I pulled away, I didn't let him. I didn't like it!
I remember listening to my classmates, laughing and giggling and remarking, "Oh, isn't he cute? Isn't he a nice looking boy?" And I would just laugh at them, because I had a secret, a deadly secret that I could never share with them.
In secondary school, I had just turned fifteen. I felt alone. I wanted so much to find someone like me and that's when I met Arezoo......

   One day we were both alone at my house. I will never forget that day. Arezoo touched me!  Before that day, whenever I had thought about touching another girl, I immediately felt ashamed. But that day, that day was different. When Arezoo touched me, I felt good! I didn't feel ashamed. I was so excited! I had finally found a person just like me!

  For two years, Arezoo and I were a couple. We had a great relationship...until that horrible day...My mother walked into my bedroom and saw Arezoo and I kissing!
She went into a rage that I have never seen before! She immediately kicked Arezoo out and then began to beat me, screaming at the top of her lungs, "You are sick! You have an illness and I will cure it for you!"
My mother had the perfect cure for me! "You will marry a man and that will cure your illness!"
I was devastated, but I had no choice. I didn't want to lose my father so I reluctantly agreed out of fear!

  I will never forget the day that I was forced to marry a man. His name was Babak. For me getting married to a man was like being raped and whenever we made love, I would turn my head and close my eyes and try to pretend that Babak was a woman!
At that time, we lived in Mashhad and Babak had no idea that secretly inside I was a lesbian. Deep down inside a war was waging. My soul felt like it was being ripped out of my body. Babak wondered why I was so reluctant to have sex. He became enraged, thinking I had another man and would beat me frequently. Despite my body being bruised and battered, I gave birth to our only child on my 21st birthday. We named him Barbod. Yet instead of being happy and fulfilled, I was empty, full of despair, feeling a deep void inside of me.

   When Babak was at work, I got on the internet, searching for other women, for other people like me. I began to read about Lesbian groups and discovered that I had a name, an identity, I was a Lesbian! Suddenly I didn't feel alone anymore. I quickly made my own Yahoo id, calling myself Nini Lesbian.
It was while surfing the internet and participating in groups, that I found my new partner. Her name was Niloufar.

   We agreed to meet at a coffee shop. Immediately we were drawn to each other. I was 23 and Niloufar was only 18, but I didn't care. She wasn't comfortable with me being married, but we overcame our obstacles. We were very happy for two years, until one day I found out Niloufar had cheated on me.
It felt like my whole world had been shattered. I sank deep into depression. That same year we moved to Esfahan. Babak was busy with army duty and I was left alone at home. I couldn't take it anymore! I wanted desperately to marry a woman. I knew there was no freedom, no human rights in Iran, and I knew if I was discovered, it would mean my death! I also knew this was who I was, this was my identity! I couldn't change who I was!

   After moving again to Tehran, I decided to take law classes. I wanted to be a lawyer. I had visions of being a successful lawyer, defending the rights of women. Just when I got my hopes up again, I was pulled down into another pit of despair. 
What I believed was just a routine doctor's visit, turned into a nightmare. A test had revealed that I had HPV, a sexually transmitted infection and that I was at high risk for cervical cancer. The doctor informed me that I had pre-cancer cells!

   That day I lost all hope. I quickly got back on the internet, desperate to find a new home, to get out of Iran and that's when I met Elli. Elli was a refugee living in Turkey. I told her my whole story. A few months later, I managed to escape with Barbod into Turkey to meet Elli. Elli promised to hide and protect me.
  When Babak found out from a friend where I had gone, my friend also betrayed me and told him the whole truth of who I really was!

Babak went insane with anger. He immediately went to a judge and obtained a petition against me.

   You see, it's crime in Iran to be gay or Lesbian. After a few days, I received a death threat from Babak...."I will kill you like a dog! You are an unclean person!"
So that is my story. It's the story of every gay or Lesbian person, struggling to survive in Iran, feeling unwanted and hopeless. I have a question for you, "Do you think I am ill? Do you consider me unclean, too?"

  It's ok. You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to accept me. I don't care what your religion is, remember I'm a human being just like you. I have feelings. I have fears. All I ask of you is to say a little prayer for me before you sleep tonight.